Smooth Criminal
by Purple-Spider
Summary: What happens when Dib is the one destroying the human race instead of Zim? ZADR, NOT A SONGFIC
1. Dangerous Criminal

A/N: Eventual ZADR (Zim and Dib Romance) not right now but in later chapters, you no like- you no read, kay?

Once again I'm prettymuch guessing the punctuation and paragrahing and whatnot.

and I don't know if I'm going to finish this, tell me in reviews if you want me to alright?

Disclaimer: I do NOT own Invader Zim or teh song Smooth Criminal. Invader Zim is owned by JV and Smooth Criminal is owned by Alien Ant Farm (I found out later how weird of a coincidence that was O_O)

It was a normal night at Zim's house.

Zim and Gir were watching TV together and Zim had somehow taken control over the remote. Now he was lazily flipping through channels, looking for something good to watch that would get Gir to be quiet.

He pressed the button to change the channel again and the TV flashed onto the news and he was about to press the button yet again when the Dib-human's picture appeared on the screen, under it, it said 'Dangerous Criminal'.

'_Why is that Dib on the local news?' _Zim Wondered suspiciously, but then he noticed what the news lady was saying.

"—has committed several varying crimes such as thievery and many murders and has henceforth been labeled a serial killer—"

Zim toned her out in disbelief.

'_Dib did something wrong? How could this be?' _Dib never did anything but stalk and obsess over Zim, although Zim didn't really know why anymore.

He had given up on invading earth about a year ago when the Tallest had finally gotten sick of him calling them and told him everything, about how his whole mission was a lie, how everyone on Irk hated and made fun of him, how he was the worst defective they had ever had… everything.

"Can I change channel now?" Gir asked in his annoying little robot voice, interrupting Zim's thoughts.

"Knock yourself out, I'm going to bed." Zim replied and stood up, throwing Gir the remote.

"Okie-Dokie!" Gir yelled and went into sleep mode.

Zim sighed. _'Why does he only listen to me when I don't mean it literally?'_ He wondered. _'Oh well, at least he's quiet now.'_

Zim headed to his room and laid down on his bed, still thinking about the Dib thing. Right before he fell asleep he got an idea.

'_I will turn that Dib-worm in myself and I will have defeated him once and for all,'_ Zim figured. _'I guess I need some sort of victory in my life… I'll turn him in first thing tomorrow…' _


	2. Too Late

When Zim woke up the next morning Dib was the first thing he remembered. He quickly put on his wig and contacts and ran through the kitchen past Gir.

"Gir, I'm going out to destroy my nemesis! Guard the base while I'm gone!" Zim yelled as he ran out the door.

"… OKAY HAVE FUN!" Gir yelled back.

Dib only lived a couple blocks away so Zim didn't have very far to go. What he planned to do was go straight to Dib's house then bust him there.

'_I don't believe it, I'm finally going to win once and for-'_ He didn't get to finish that thought because he had reached Dib's house and it was surrounded by police cars.

Zim stared in horror as two policemen put Dib, _his _Dib, in handcuffs and threw him in the back seat of one of the cars.

"Um, excuse me? What the hell are you doing!" Zim yelled at a police lady.

The lady looked at him funny "What does it look like we're doing? We're arresting a homicidal kid." She replied in a Brooklyn accent.

"Really are you?" Zim said sarcastically. "But _why?"_

The lady sighed and started to explain. "The kid who lives here was turned in last night and we're takin' 'im to jail.

'_WHAT! Someone else has defeated the Almighty ZIM'S enemy!' _ The alien cursed in Irken under his breath. '_If only I hadn't waited... stupid sleep.'_

"… Arrested under what charges?"

"Eh, he murdered about eleven people."

"The Dib human did no such thing. He wouldn't have," The alien said forcefully, causing the lady to flinch. "The reason Dib-thing exists is to be Zim's enemy and to try to _help _the filthy human race, not kill people."

Zim wouldn't stand for _his_ nemesis being defeated by someone else. Either Zim defeated him or Dib didn't get defeated at all.

"You must have the wrong worm-baby. You should let him go now."

The lady was cowering from the forceful tone in Zim's voice by now.

"Um… do you know him?"

Zim sighed. "Yes Zim knows him, he goes to my skool. He's in my class actually." He decided to leave out the part about them being bitter enemies.

"Ya know, you talk really weird kid." The lady decided to take a chance. She still seemed confused though. "Hey did you ever hear 'im talking to his friends about any crime plans or somethin'? She questioned.

Zim didn't really know how to answer that. "…Dib-thing doesn't… have any friends…" the Irken said quietly.

"Huh, well that might further explain why he killed those-"

"HE DID NOT KILL THEM!" Zim blurted. "The Dib would never kill anyone except-" '_me' _He was glad he stopped himself from saying that out loud.

"Except who?" The annoying police officer shook him from his thoughts.

"Uh,… maybe a bug…?" Zim struggled for an appropriate response. It did seem to fit since he did look kind of like a bug without his disguise on.

The police lady gave him another quick look and shrugged it off. "Eh, what do I care? Point is, we're takin' him in now. Sorry about your friend but there's nothing really I can do. See ya." She said while getting in the police car.

She apparently either hadn't really been paying attention to the 'Dib having no friends' thing or she had forgotten already but she smiled at Zim before driving off while he shouted "HE'S NOT MY FRIEND!" to her but Zim had lost the forcefulness in his voice and she ignored him.

The Irken stood there in the middle of the road and watched Dib in the back seat of the police car as he drove out of sight, a glare fixed on his green face.

"Either Zim defeats Dib or he doesn't get defeated at all." Zim whispered to himself and turned around and started walking back to his base.

A/N: Holy crap I updated! Again it's been like 5 months… hell.

But yes! Thanks to reading The Rats of NIMH I've now been motivated enough to type this! HuZzAh!

And I wrote this and the next chapter but they sucked so I re-wrote this on the computer and completely re-wrote the next chapter altogether on paper. Just thought you'd love to know that and would die without that information.

And I was listening to Aliens Invading by Ke$ha the whole time I was typing this! XD

That song is really Irken, I just love it. If you have never heard it you should go look it up right now… I mean after you review o' course…

It's a proven fact that if I give you artificial cookies you will automatically review so here you go! *gives fake cookie to reviewer*

-Sierra


	3. A Daring Rescue

Dib sat there on the lumpy mattress of his jail cell. It was late, around 1:00 or 2:00 but the boy couldn't sleep. He just laid there and stared at the concrete wall beside him.

"Why am I here?" Dib asked himself out loud. "Why did I do that?"

He hadn't meant to kill those people. They were a street gang, but they had made the mistake of provoking him and they paid for it. All of them. Dib had finally snapped. Every one who called him crazy was right but now he wasn't just crazy, he was a psychopath. No better than the alien creature he had spent two years chasing.

Dib sighed. "Don't I at least get one phone call or something?"

Probably not. Oh well, who would he call anyway? His dad probably wouldn't even notice he was gone and Gaz had been at home playing her video games when the police showed up but she didn't even care. The only other person he knew well enough to call would be Zim but what good would that do? Zim was probably at his base, laughing it up, while he thought of more evil plans and called his Almighty Tallest or whatever.

The paranormal investigator sighed again but this time his breath came out shuddered as he tried hard not to cry.

Then he heard a click in the silence. It sounded like it came from outside the barred window. It could have been nothing, a moth hitting into the wall maybe, but it didn't seem quite right.

Then the wall exploded.

Dib tried to move out of the way so that no flying concrete would hit him but a large chunk slammed into his right arm with a crack as he cried out in pain and clutched the searing limb. He coughed on the chalk dust floating in the air and squinted through the hole in the wall. The figure standing there was undeniably Zim. He was undisguised with his mechanical spider legs and some kind of laser gun protruding from his PAK.

"Dib-thing?" Zim called into the chalk filled room.

"What the hell are you doing here!"

"Zim is rescuing you stupid filth creature! Now come on, we have to go now!"

"Why the hell should I trust you!" Dib yelled. It was too late to be quiet, the noise from the explosion probably having woken up every guard and/or prisoner in the whole godforsaken place and both the boy and the alien could hear police running towards Dib's cell. "You have been wanting to kill me ever since we first met!"

"Do you want to get out of jail?" Zim was getting frustrated now. "Maybe I changed my mind about killing you for tonight but really, Dib-thing, we need to hurry." Zim's voice became nervous.

"NO! This is probably another one of your evil plans!"

"Gah! Dib, you stubborn-ignorant-worm-baby!" Zim screamed, and with that he grabbed Dib with a mechanical arm, jumped back through the hole, and took off into the night.

"Let me go Zim!" Dib screamed while kicking and thrashing his one good arm.

"Stop struggling stupid human, I'm doing you a favor!" Zim yelled while trying to handle Dib and run with his spider legs at the same time.

Dib stopped squirming since he couldn't really do anything else.

"Okay, Zim, lets say that you _are_ doing me a favor. Why would you be helping me?"

"Silence, Dib-thing! This is obviously part of my latest evil plan!" Zim yelled with an evil laugh.

Dib looked up at Zim and saw that his undisguised eyes were glowing red in the dark. He realized he had never seen Zim in the dark without his disguise on before.

"You just said 5 minutes ago that you changed your mind for tonight."

"Silence!"

Dib stared at Zim, not believing his lack of reason. "…Where are you taking me?"

"Oh you'll find out soon enough, filth creature." Zim said evilly.

Dib sighed and leaned his head back and closed his eyes to wait.

Eventually they came to a stop. Dib looked down again to find that they were in front of Zim's base.

"Why are we here?" He asked in confusion.

"Because, ignorant pig-smelly, I couldn't take you to your house, that would be the first place your stupid earth police would look. They'd never think to look here, at your worst enemy's house, and if they did my gnomes of DOOM would destroy them." Zim said with a despicable smile.

He put Dib down and retracted his spider legs. Dib couldn't believe what he was seeing.

"You're… letting me stay in your base?"

"No! Zim is _forcing _you to stay in his base!" Zim said as he pushed Dib up the pathway to the door. "You are now _my _ prisoner!"

"…So you broke me out of prison just to put me in a different prison?"

"Yes! Does my plan not AMAZE you!" Zim said the way he does while opening the door.

"Master you're back!" Gir, wearing his green doggy disguise, ran in as soon as the door closed. "Big Headed Boy!" he screamed, noticing Dib, and ran up and jumped to hug Dib's large head.

"Gir get off my head!" Dib yelled while trying not to fall over.

"Okay!" Gir jumped down from Dib's head. "Want to go play voodoo dolls?"

"Um, not right now. Okay Gir?" Dib said cautiously, wondering if the little robot was serious about the voodoo dolls.

"Okay bye!" Said robot screamed and ran out the door behind them.

Dib heard Zim snicker and turned to see him with a smug face.

"Oh shut-up." Dib grumbled and sulked over to the couch. "Where is he going?"

"I… have no idea." Zim glanced out the window. "He'll be back by morning though." The Irken said, trailing Dib to the couch.

"You can sleep on the couch for tonight but after that you have to sleep in one of my prisoners rooms." Zim declared.

"Actually I have insomnia so I probably won't be able to get that much sleep."

"Fine then, you are allowed to watch the T.V. I think I have some of your stupid 'par-a-normal' stuff recorded."

"You are some of my 'stupid paranormal stuff' Zim." Dib chuckled while turning on the large T.V. and, finding out how to get to the recordings list, saw that there were 5 episodes of Mysterious Mysteries there. "Why do you have these?"

"I found out that you liked this show so I watched it to find out how to destroy you."

"That doesn't make any sense." Dib tried not to laugh at the thought of Zim actually liking Mysterious Mysteries.

"Silence! I AM ZIM!" Zim yelled and turned to leave.

"Wait Zim," Dib called quickly.

"What do you want?"

'_I guess this is a little better than jail…'_ Dib figured.

"…Thanks…"

"You're not welcome."

Dib smiled "Good night Zim."

"Good night to you, Dib-monkey. I will probably kill you in the morning."

A/N: "Aliens invading, run for your life!"~

Sorry I still love this song ^^

Wow, 2 chapters in one day. That's unheard of for me so BE GRATEFUL!

This is where I started completely changing it on paper and then I didn't even really follow that but still not bad, no?

That moth hitting the wall thing was credit to The Simpsons Movie. XD do any of you remember that?

Oh and the Gir playing with voodoo dolls thing was credit to that 1-shot. I really liked it so I did something with it.

Review and the cookies shall be yours!

-Sierra


	4. All Nightmare Long

"Hey, Bitch! Why don't you come over and smoke with us?" A random guy with a bunch of other people, who Dib figured were some kind of street gang, yelled to him from across the deserted parking lot. It was about 2:00 am and Dib was on his way home from the club.

"No," He called back, "I don't do drugs." He had already been having a horrible day and was already quite pissed, the paranormal investigator didn't need to deal with a gang of high-on-crack delinquents.

"Oh come on, we have some of the good stuff." The guy, probably the gang's leader, called back while getting up and starting to walk towards the boy with the rest of his gang.

"I already said no so fuck off." Dib growled and started to walk a little faster but suddenly the gang was surrounding him, making a circle, while the leader continued to advance on him.

"Listen, bitch. We invited you to come smoke some stuff with us and we don't like being turned down," The leader said while taking out a knife from his pocket and continuing towards dib. "So we can either do this the easy way or the hard way."

Dib turned his head and glared daggers at the messed up teenagers. He had had it. Something in the boy snapped then and he needed to get rid from these people in any possible.

"Okay then, we'll do it the easiest way we can." Dib growled and started towards the leader.

"That's a smart boy." The leader chuckled and made a motion to put away his knife and take out some crack when, fast as lightning, Dib grabbed the knife and stabbed it in the leader's stomach. The head delinquent fell to the asphalt ground with a scream, clutching his belly that was now oozing out dark blood.

"Anyone else want to try it?" Dib hissed and spun around to face the shocked group.

A couple of them shook themselves out of it enough to realize that this random stranger had just murdered their leader and charged at said random stranger with switchblades out.

Dib laughed like a maniac and dodged to the right, stabbing the first guy in the back with the leader's knife as he did so. As the guy fell to the ground Dib's second attacker, this one a blonde girl with a black hat, ran up behind him. Dib turned just in time to dodge and catch her wrist at the same time and twist it around with a loud crack. The blonde screamed as Dib swiftly shanked her in the chest.

The sixteen-year-old turned around, still laughing a little, and saw the rest of them fleeing in terror at the sight of the boy standing in their dead comrades' blood.

"Oh this should be fun." Dib whispered with a psychotic smile and took off after them.

"Aaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!" Dib woke up, screaming, from his nightmare/fashback.

He was actually able to get an hour of sleep but what little he did get was ruined by that horrible dream.

"W-where am I?" He yelled, forgetting where he was but remembering again when Zim came to stand in the living room entryway.

"Shut up, Earth Pig!" The annoyed alien yelled at him, glaring. "You just ruined a perfectly fine waffle breakfast with your stupid screaming and sleep-mumbling."

"I'm sorry Zim, it was just a nightmare." Dib said and yawned while he got up to go into the kitchen.

"Hmm, what was this 'nightmare' about, worm baby?" Zim asked, intrigued that something could scare his nemesis like that.

"I really don't want to talk about it, Zim." The tired boy replied and brushed past the Irken into the kitchen.

A/N: Wow I didn't think I could write something like this… I guess what little JTHM I've read has paid off ^^ o' course my dad was being a total douche to me before I went and wrote this so that helps but eh, whatever.

Thanks so much for all the reviews so far (especially rejectsuperstar and PsychoBoss for the repeated reviews) I loved everyone's though.

Sorry this chapter is a little short, I'm still trying to make them longer but hey, it's improvement from the first chapter.

Oh and I think you should know this is going to get more action-packed (hopefully) before it gets cute. Sorry they need build-up. Like I said Rats of NIMH is my inspiration.

Review or the cop will kill you with her 'Brooklyn Rage'! XD

-'erra


	5. Welcome to Hell

Zim followed Dib into the kitchen and sat down across the table from him. "Zim noticed your arm," The Irken stated, looking at the broken limb of his prisoner.

"No really?" Dib replied sarcastically, "You're the one who broke it, stupid."

Zim glared at the paranormal investigator with contact-covered eyes. "Well I was going to offer to fix it but I think I wont now until you can appreciate me more," Zim watched smugly as Dib gritted his teeth and tried to stay calm.

"Why would I appreciate you? You kidnapped me and broke my arm!"

"Correction- Zim _rescued _the Dib from Earth-prison and _accidentally _broke your arm,"

Dib opened his mouth to shout back but Gir interrupted their aguement, "Waffle Time!" The little robot screamed and set a big plate, piled high with waffles, in the middle of the round table.

"Uh, thanks." Dib said hesitantly and poked at one of the waffles with his fork.

"Yes, thank you Gir. NOW BE GONE WITH YOU!" Zim shouted, stabbing a waffle and shoving half of it in his mouth.

"Yes my master!" Gir's eyes turned red and he saluted before giggling, dancing over to the trashcan, and jumping down the hidden tube.

"You could be a little nicer to Gir," Zim looked up from his plate to find Dib staring down at him, "It wouldn't kill you,"

Zim chuckled "FOOL! The Almighty ZIM doesn't know the meaning of the word "nice","

"…Do you really not know or are you just being arrogant?"

"No but I shall look it up later," Zim replied and shoved another waffle in his mouth.

There was about a five minute awkward silence as they ate their waffles, not knowing how exactly to talk to each other. "Ya know, every time there's an awkward silence a dolphin dies," Dib said just to fill the quiet.

"I don't know what you are talking about but if a silly Earth-creature dies in the process then LET THE SILENCE CONTINUE!" Zim said, raising his fork with a waffle on it in the air dramatically.

"A dolphin doesn't really die Zim that's just a saying,"

Zim licked the maple syrup off of his gloved fingers before continuing, "In that case- why were you in prison?" Zim watched patiently as Dib hung his head and played with the syrup on his plate with his fork.

"I… killed some people…" He mumbled quietly, cringing inside at the memory.

"What was that?" Zim asked. The Irken really hadn't heard what his prisoner had said. _'What that filthy hyooman police-woman told me couldn't be true. The Dib must have been… what is that word? ...It starts with an 'F'…FRAMED! Yes, Dib-pig must have been framed.' _Zim was proud of his excellent memory as he waited for Dib to repeat himself.

The human boy sighed and said louder "There was a gang of teenagers smoking in the parking lot at Wal-Mart and I murdered them, alright?"

Zim was shocked but he forced his expression to stay neutral. Invaders are trained for that sort of thing and Zim wasn't best in his class for nothing. "You took them on all by yourself?"

Dib nodded, still not looking across the table at Zim.

The ex-Invader smiled maliciously, "Neat. I'm impressed, Dib-worm. Not enough to stop insulting you but enough to heal your arm," That wasn't a lie either- if the worm-baby was killing humans now Zim figured he could use that to his advantage.

Dib glared at Zim, "I don't want your help," Dib said and got up to put his plate in the sink, accidentally banging his arm into the table in the process and trying not to wince in pain.

"Maybe so but you _need _Zim's help," Zim responded, smiling evilly. "Oh and you can leave your plate on the table, the computer will take care of it," Sure enough, once Zim had gotten up and Dib had put his plate back on the table a mechanical claw came down from the ceiling and took both of them away.

"Now then, Zim will you to your cell." Zim walked to the other side of the kitchen and down a hallway.

"Then will you please fix my arm?" Dib asked, aggravated, as he followed Zim down the dark hall.

"Yes, THEN fix your filthy hyooman arm," They came to a door but when Zim opened it instead of a room there were a flight of green-carpeted stairs.

"Your base has stairs? Why do you go down the trashcan and toilet when you could just use the stairs?" Dib asked.

"Ha! I laugh at your ignorance, pig-smelly. THE STAIRS are only for to get down to the prisoners holding cells which do not connect to the underground lab what-so-ever." Zim said haughtily and, flipping on a light switch, led Dib down the stairs.

"Well jeez, how was I supposed to know that?"

"Good question, but I don't care." Zim replied as they reached the bottom and entered a dark room. Zim flipped on another switch revealing what looked like a large living room with more green carpet, purple walls, a pink couch, and two pink chairs sitting opposite the couch with a mahogany coffee table in between them. There was also a metal gas-fireplace off to one side, a computer on one wall, and various paintings on the walls.

"Wow, Zim," Dib said as he looked around, utterly surprised. He had half-expected to find Zim's basement made out of concrete with beetles and human bones on the floor. Maybe even blood-stains on the walls as well. "The colors are horrible but other than that it's pretty cool,"

"Don't you make fun of Zim's colors! These are IRKEN colors!"

"So I noticed Mr. pink dress," Dib smirked as he sat on one of the chairs.

"It's not a dress, it's an Irken uniform! Show more respect to your new master!" Zim yelled and pulled Dib off the chair, "Besides, this is not your cell- this is just the meeting room. Your cell is this-a-way." Zim grabbed Dib's good arm and led him down another hallway the boy hadn't noticed before with the same walls and floor with more paintings on the walls that he didn't get to stop to look at."

"Here we are," Zim said, coming to a stop in front of an unpromising black door with an Irken skull and crossbones on it. Zim opened the door and flipped on the light to reveal a medium-sized room with black walls and dark red carpeting with a bed with black sheets in one corner, an empty bookcase next to it, a T.V. with an x-box to the right of the door, an acoustic guitar in one corner, and an entire wall dedicated to an enormous bookshelf filled with DVDs and x-box games.

"…what the hell? ..._this _is a holding cell?" Dib asked disbelievingly.

"Uh-huh, welcome to hell Dib-monster," Zim smirked.

Dib walked over to sit on the bed which actually turned out to be soft, "But it's so nice…"

"You're welcome," Zim replied dully. "Now- RULES! The T.V. only plays movies and video games, if you want food in the middle of the afternoon or something- too bad, you have to wait until either breakfast, lunch, or dinnertime, bed-time is whenever but no noise after eleven PM, and no coming up-stairs at all… hmm what else?... Oh! Also there is a bathroom across the hall and if you feel like it there is an exercise room three doors down with an i-home and an i-pod, you can download music on the computer in the meeting room but no turning it up loud enough for me to hear it," Zim pulled a watch out of his PAK and tossed it to Dib. "Lunch is at one PM, dinner is at eight PM, and breakfast is at ten AM. That is all," Zim finished and left, closing the door behind him.

Dib fell back on the bed and stared at the ceiling which, now that he was looking at it, appeared as if it were covered in stars. "Welcome to hell, my ass," he whispered with a smile.

FIVE MONTHS! THAT IS UNACCEPTABLE! I'm so so so so sorry, good readers. Really, I love you all, especially those of you who revie, and I will try to keep on updating for you~!

I'm also trying to make the chapters longer, as you can hopefully tell.

Also- I am very pleased to see that, even though there are only four chapters up before this one, it got 14 reviews!

Again I love you all, thanks for your continued support, and hopefully you can forgive me for being such a lazy ass. 3333

-Sierra


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